Will Leitch walks 190 blocks up Manhattan from his workplace in Chelsea to his home in Inwood. Reading this makes me a little homesick.

The Upper West Side is an area of town where I have spent much time, but I have never really understood it. An old girlfriend lives up there, and, like her, everything on the Upper West Side is a little too precious. There are little Italian-only bookstores, and ceramics bars, and stores selling only novelty strollers. I had barely been back to the Upper West Side since we broke up, and I was reminded why; the Upper West Side makes you feel like you donÌt bathe often enough, like youÌre this swarthy minion swooping up from the cityÌs underbelly, lurking in to sully their happy, lily-white pseudo-suburbia. The Upper West Side is a strip mall designed by The New Yorker, where people pat themselves on the back for “getting” the new Todd Haynes movie and hypothesize about the cityÌs homeless “problem.” The whole area makes me want to drink six cans of Pabst Blue Ribbon, and then fart. Preferably in a crowded Starbucks.

LIFE AS A LOSER #134: “ONE MORE CUP OF COFFEE FOR THE ROAD.”