Awesome disclaimer for those visiting New York City from out of town :)
Craigs List: For those visiting from out of town
DISCLAIMER: The phrases "Oh÷we're in the big city now!" or "I better not do that while IÌm in the city, IÌll look like a tourist" will not be tolerated. The guest is a tourist and will be treated as such if the guest makes any said remarks or of the kind....
The host may display mild mood swings depending on the dependence of the guest. Personal space and time reduction, constant inquiries and any length of time spent in Times Square, Herald Square, Battery Park, Soho and Canal Street may cause the host moodiness, fatigue, claustrophobia and sexual dysfunction.
DISCLAIMER: Neither the host nor any one associated with the host shall be liable for any errors or events of uninterest had by the aforementioned guest. If guest has lost any personal items due to inherent stupidity or ignorance of urban culture the host is not responsible for looking nor replacing the lost item. The phrases "Oh÷we're in the big city now!" or "I better not do that while IÌm in the city, IÌll look like a tourist" will not be tolerated. The guest is a tourist and will be treated as such if the guest makes any said remarks or of the kind. The guest will make specific food choices to expatiate the process of restaurant selection. "WhatÌs a good place to eat?", will be ignored and will cause merciless public mockery until a detailed cuisine is selected. Thousands of establishment for Dionysic enjoyment are placed haphazardly throughout the New York Metropolitan Area and the host has not been to every establishment or neighborhood and may not be knowledgeable about every venue to meet the guest specific social needs, i.e. karaoke, bands, cute people, singles, some bar that will take requests and so on. "A fun place to hang out" does not exist. It is the responsibility of the guest to enjoy the company of host in whatever environment is mutually chosen. The Host should not be the soul director of guestÌs urban travel. The Metropolitan Transit Association had spent millions of dollars in designing, reproducing and distributing maps for the consumerÌs convienence. In addition to the maps, the MTA has provided staff at each terminal entrance to assist oneÌs traveling inquiries (the prices are being raised a phenomenal 33.33%, make use of this luxury.). The host may display mild mood swings depending on the dependence of the guest. Personal space and time reduction, constant inquiries and any length of time spent in Times Square, Herald Square, Battery Park, Soho and Canal Street may cause the host moodiness, fatigue, claustrophobia and sexual dysfunction.
Most excellent :-)
A few specific edits and the text would also be usable for Tokyo...
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DISCLAIMER: NEITHER THE HOST NOR ANY ONE ASSOCIATED WITH THE HOST SHALL
BE LIABLE FOR ANY ERRORS OR EVENTS OF UNINTEREST HAD BY THE AFOREMENTIONED
GUEST. IF GUEST HAS LOST ANY PERSONAL ITEMS DUE TO INHERENT STUPIDITY
OR IGNORANCE OF THE JAPANESE LANGUAGE OR URBAN CULTURE THE HOST IS NOT
RESPONSIBLE FOR LOOKING NOR REPLACING THE LOST ITEM. THE PHRASES "OH...
WE'RE IN THE BIG CITY NOW!" OR "I BETTER NOT DO THAT WHILE I'M IN JAPAN,
I'LL LOOK LIKE A TOURIST" WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. THE GUEST IS A TOURIST
AND WILL BE TREATED AS SUCH IF THE GUEST MAKES ANY SAID REMARKS OR OF THE
KIND. THE GUEST WILL MAKE SPECIFIC FOOD CHOICES TO EXPEDITE THE PROCESS
OF RESTAURANT SELECTION. "WHAT'S A GOOD PLACE TO EAT ?", WILL BE IGNORED
AND WILL CAUSE MERCILESS PUBLIC MOCKERY UNTIL A SPECIFIC CUISINE IS SELECTED.
THOUSANDS OF ESTABLISHMENTS FOR DIONYSIAC ENJOYMENT ARE PLACED HAPHAZARDLY
THROUGHOUT THE TOKYO METROPOLITAN AREA AND THE HOST HAS NOT BEEN TO EVERY
ESTABLISHMENT OR NEIGHBOURHOOD AND MAY NOT BE KNOWLEDGEABLE ABOUT EVERY VENUE
TO MEET THE GUEST-SPECIFIC SOCIAL NEEDS, I.E. SINGLES, CUTE PEOPLE, KARAOKE,
BANDS, SOME BAR THAT WILL TAKE REQUESTS AND SO ON. "A FUN PLACE TO HANG OUT"
DOES NOT EXIST. IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE GUEST TO ENJOY THE COMPANY
OF HOST IN WHATEVER ENVIRONMENT IS MUTUALLY CHOSEN. THE HOST SHOULD NOT BE
THE SOUL DIRECTOR OF GUEST'S URBAN TRAVEL. JR EAST AND THE TEITO RAPID TRANSIT
AUTHORITY HAVE SPENT FORTUNES IN DESIGNING, REPRODUCING AND DISTRIBUTING MAPS
FOR THE TRAVELLER'S CONVIENENCE. IN ADDITION TO THE MAPS, STAFF ARE PROVIDED
AT EACH TERMINAL ENTRANCE TO ASSIST ONE'S TRAVELING INQUIRIES (GIVEN THE
HIGH PRICES OF THE TRAIN TICKETS, MAKE USE OF THIS LUXURY). THE HOST MAY
DISPLAY MILD MOOD SWINGS DEPENDING ON THE DEPENDENCE OF THE GUEST. PERSONAL
SPACE AND TIME REDUCTION, CONSTANT INQUIRIES AND ANY LENGTH OF TIME SPENT IN
ROPPONGI, SHINJUKU, GINZA, ASAKUSA, HARAJUKU, AKIHABARA OR ODAIBA MAY CAUSE
THE HOST MOODINESS, FATIGUE, CLAUSTROPHOBIA AND SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION.