Borowitz Report: U.S. CONSIDERS MILITARY ACTION TO REMOVE SKATING JUDGES
President Issues Ultimatum to ÎAxis of CheatersÌ
Reacting to the outrageous awarding of the Olympic gold medal to a pair of Russian figure skaters over a more deserving Canadian pair Monday night, President Bush said today that the U.S. would not rule out military action to remove the figure skating judges involved.
ÏThe judges from Russia, China, Poland, and Ukraine represent an axis of cheaters,Ó Mr. Bush said to a standing ovation in a special joint session of Congress. ÏAnd donÌt even get me started on the judges from France.Ó
Mr. Bush did not set a timetable for a military campaign to remove the sneaky judges, but left little doubt as to his resolve.
